Karin's Fabulous Single Life

Dating mode in "off" position

Not long ago, I was going on so many dates with so many different men I began to feel like it was "Groundhog Day" whenever I consulted my closet with consternation or bought another pack of Crest whitestrips. I became dangerously overbooked, bidding a lunchtime date farewell at my door only minutes before the evening date was due to arrive. I resorted to "crib" notes after first dates to later remind myself what we'd chatted about.

Suddenly, somehow, some unknown hand reached down from the heavens and flipped my dating switch to "off" mode just before Christmas, and it shows no signs of being flicked back on anytime soon.

Ahh. A breather. And it feels good.

There are a couple of guys in my life I enjoy hanging out with every now and then, but they're not exactly long-term romantic prospects, and that's fine with me. A lot of things go in cycles in life, and this is just another cycle. There will come a day when dating seems important to me again, I'm sure, and then I'll probably put up a fresh internet profile, start noticing a little more noticeably when the Silver Foxes check me out at the corner store, and decide I need new clothes.

But for now, non-dating works very well. I can concentrate on other things, like the gym and painting the spare room, my writing projects and cleaning the garage.

It doesn't sound as much fun as meeting up with a tall, eligible bachelor for drinks on a patio strewn with potted flowers, but a little down time, and a little recharging time, is called for in every life. I go with the flow, and this is what the inner Karin is saying she needs, right now.

Besides, the day a retirement home escapee with the name "Ernie" stitched on his jacket flashes his dentures at me in the convenience store is the day I know the gym has been neglected a little too long. As I said to a girlfriend, I'm not ready for a date of shuffleboard down at the seniors' home just yet.

It will come soon enough.

To your happiness,
Karin
singlejoy.ca

Looking for Mr. Big

"Make your man big" --- FACT: 76% of all women are unsatisfied....

Gain 2-3 inches....

Re: Different penis enlargers....

Those are just some of the subject lines sitting in my "junk" inbox folder right now.

I suppose, if I had a penis enlarger to sell, I'd be rich. Then again, if those penis people are rolling in money, why are they e-mailing me? I have no penis, and if I did, I'd have to believe I'd be happy with it. As long as it worked.

In my experience, penis owners fall into one of 3 categories: the truly tiny (admittedly, a small percentage), who never mention the topic; Mr. Average, who worries aloud his "dick is too short"; and those on the bigger side who are as proud as peacocks (no pun intended), and can't wait to show it off.

This is where men, bless them, fail to understand a woman.

Men are visual creatures, as we all know. Give them a big pair of boobs to gaze on, and they're happy as punch. But although I think the male physique is a thing of beauty, I'm much more likely to admire a strong upper body than I am to swoon over the hefty size of his Mr. Happy. Technique, I think, is better than sheer size. You know that old saying, "it's not what you've got, it's how you use it."

OK, I admit, having a little something extra packed into the shorts is nice. But I don't believe it's the deal-breaking, life-wrecking problem the penis-enhancer sellers would have guys believe.

I mean, a girl can be on the ceiling in bliss and later the guy will mutter, "I always worried my dick was too small."

Look, if you've got one, and it does what it's supposed to do, you're halfway home.

Not once, ever, have I heard a woman say she was looking for the "big one". No. Women usually describe their ideal man as sexy (a state of mind), kind, fun, intelligent, etc. etc.

A person's physical attributes are such a small fraction of the sum of the whole. I remember the look on a friend's face when she told me her boyfriend suggested getting her a "boob job" for her birthday. "Dump him," I said, and she did.

Can you imagine how a man would feel if we presented him with a penis enhancement kit as a gift? It's kind of hard to get into the mood, after that.

I have my doubts those penis enlargers work, anyway. The only methods I know that are guaranteed to make a man's pride and joy get bigger instantly are courtesy of nature.

But hey, if you want to give it a try, let me know. There are a few junk e-mails I can forward.

To your happiness,
Karin
singlejoy.ca

Table for one

The other night the Office Boy took himself out to dinner. He went to some cool place where he cooks the food himself at his table. I know, I know...cooking the food yourself begs the question. But he likes it there.

Two nights after that, he took a woman to a concert.

I mention it only because it reminds me, single men seem to have it all over women when it comes to going out alone. They do it regularly, and we seem to do it infrequently. And yet, going out one night alone certainly doesn't mean your overall social life is in the toilet. The last time I took myself out for the evening, I met a cool guy.

So why don't we do it more often?

I've been cooped up far too many nights at the estate this winter because frankly, winter in the Toronto area gets me down. It's all grey slush on the streets and salt on the car. Winter came really late this year, and so will be short, but I'll be so thankful to see it go. And yet, that's not really the reason I'm not prancing about on the town after sunset by myself.

I think it's sad, but women have been conditioned to think it's 'not safe' to go out alone, and there's a perception we must be some kind of slut if we're in a bar by ourselves. I don't buy into it. I've learned how to handle going out alone, and I'm getting pretty good at it now, which is great. Like OB, I don't need to sit at home just because my friends are busy. But lately, I've been WANTING to sit at home. Another danger sign.

So I've taken advantage of an upcoming business function and booked myself into a hotel overnight two hours' drive away. I went for the upgraded room, too, and I can't wait. Yes, I'm taking a friend, but I'd be just as happy to make the trip alone...well, maybe not JUST as happy. Friends are good.

But getting out there is good, too. I think women everywhere need to take a page from the 'man manual' and just go. Like I said, the last time I did, I met a cool guy. Sitting at home doesn't trump that.

To your happiness,
Karin
singlejoy.ca

The bloom is on the rose, but not the romance

Last Sunday's rose, delivered by last Sunday's date, is still going strong, destined to have been in my life at least six days longer than the man himself. Its petals now fully opened and its scarlet hue deepening to a velvet burgundy, the bloom is still on the rose, if barely.

The same cannot be said for the bloom on the whirlwind cyber romance that began earlier this month.

I don't mind internet dating, but I can only do so much of it, and currently I am in take-a-break mode. This attitude began well before Christmas, and will change, eventually, of its own accord. In the meantime, somehow, some way, this gentleman came across my profile when it was "hidden",  (or so I thought), and managed to contact me. One dinner date led to hesitation on my part...and eventually, to a Sunday afternoon shopping date to confirm (in my mind), that there really was no "chemistry".

As if one really needs to test that, a second time.

It may be true that sometimes people can "grow" on you, but one would hope to have at least a little spark there, in the beginning. The trouble with modern technology is that potential dating partners can be so interesting, so intelligent, and so entertaining via email, only to fall flat in real life.

So, back to the break.

I might add, for the benefit of anyone who cares to take a tip, that it's never a good idea to write copiously, and often, to someone that you "really, really like" them after one date. Maybe you "really, really" think you do, but it won't hurt to keep it to yourself for the time being. Too often, when the facts are you don't know that person at all, it just comes across as...you really, really want a relationship.. as soon as possible. It smacks of desperation, as though almost any woman would fit the bill of romantic partner.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd like to spend my free time with emotionally healthy, interesting, happy-busy people willing to take the time to get to know me before they decide they really, really like me. Really.

Emotionally stunted men who can never articulate a feeling are no better off than those empty vessels who long for another person to immediately fill them with purpose and provide them with excitement, but I'm hoping there are men to be found in the middle ground. Actually, I know there are.

When the 'break' mode lifts, I'll find myself one or two of those emotionally-grounded sorts, with any luck. In the meantime, I can buy my own roses...only, I'd probably go for freesia and carnations.

Wishing everyone a great weekend!

To your happiness,
Karin
singlejoy.ca

Cupid isn't stupid

With the day of hearts and flowers bearing down upon us, one can always count on the daily paper to run the obligatory 'anti-Valentine' piece. And sure enough, there it was today, full of sneers, snarls, and suggestions we single people take black markers and make our own Valentines bearing such cheery messages as "Screw Off".

Tsk, tsk, the hostility.

Instead of curling our upper lips at the thought of loooove, I think we should do one of two things: a) if we are a man, give thanks we don't have to buy roses at $75 to $80 a dozen, when the next day they'll be back down to $12; b) if we are a woman, give thanks we are not getting roses from some guy who belches and leaves the lid up. Somebody, somewhere, is getting flowers from that guy, and she's not all that excited about it, either.

Rejoice, people, and fly to the mall and treat yourself. Red silk. Wine with drinkable gold flecks. A chocolate penis. It just could be, that all the "catches" of the world get snapped up last, because all the desperate people hook up with each other first.

And just in case you need me to remind you, I will: a good percentage of married people in this world wish they were you. Single and available.

In the meantime, I think it's a very, very bad idea to slag Cupid. It's just bad karma. Sure, the little guy doesn't always play fair. Sometimes his arrows fly wide of the mark. Sometimes, I even suspect he doctors the tips of those arrows with a little vile poison, and that is when the love of your life announces he has just found the love of HIS life, and it isn't you.

But you can't really mess with Cupid by pretending you despise him. That's when he pulls the next arrow out, sees your name on it, looks over at the ungrateful, sneering you and decides to shoot it off elsewhere.

Besides, Cupid isn't Santa; he works 365 days a year, 24/7, and you can be damn naughty and find out he's still eagerly hovering, ready to make a hit.

Put away those black markers and smile. On second thought, grin. He's not retiring any time soon.

To your happiness,
Karin
singlejoy.ca